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Maybe, if she put her thoughts down in writing, he would think again, and not push her away. “My Blue-eyed devil, How can I tell you what is on my heart, without hurting and crying? A part of me wants to get to know you and fall deeper in love with the other side of you (the one I do not see in bed). I want to scream, “Why not? ” Then I rationalize things and tell myself, I understand. Until the next day, then I miss you once more and start crying again. Damn-it, I wanted you to be my love, the only man in my life, forever.However, deep down I know that we will never have that kind of love. I also know that part of my feelings stem from what I did not find with Bryan. I know these are rebound feelings that I am having. Although, we may thing it real love. It is not the kind of love that takes time to develop and mature. Still, I wake up in the middle of the night crying and screaming, "Why can't it be?"Douglas, how do I move on? When, I am too scared to let myself go and find out? I. With women, I’m totally dominant. I hate the idea of submitting to another woman, but I find no issue submitting to a man.I’m sure it comes from the home I was raised in. My father was without a doubt the man of the house, he ruled with an iron fist. He ruled the right way though, the way a man should dominate. He held his rule through respect and gratitude, not from violence and intimidation.It was easy to tell, even when I was very young, that my mom was his slave, his submissive. She existed to please him. He provided for her and me, gave us a home, all we needed and much of what we wanted. In return, she and I gave him our total respect and gratitude.I’m sure that is why I view myself differently in my relationships with men or women. With men, I wanted men like my dad, dominant and a true provider. With women, I wanted women like mom, my total slave and servant. This view of my relationships also fueled my greatest fantasy.I could never remember when it started, but for a long.
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